consulting elders

Q: I am writing in regards to my situation.

My mother is a single parent with my father having left when we were very young. Many people have sent proposals and my mum refuses each one without any valid reason. Now there has been one proposal from someone I like and I am happy with but my mother is refusing and when asked why says "just".

My grandmother (my mother's mother) and my mum's sister and uncle have looked into the man and his family and are satisfied with his deen and character and from people that know them we have found out that they are respected and humble practising people and the boy is of good character and practising masha'allah. I am very happy with this and would like to go ahead and the rest of my family are also happy but my mum just wont let me get married and won't let me even speak about it and doesn't have any valid reason to say.

I don't know what to do in this situation as I only have my mother as my guardian as my father didn't keep in touch since he left and my brother is only 20 and unfortunately got into the wrong crowd and not at home. My mum doesn't have any brothers either, only sisters. My mother unfortunately does not prioritise deen and I know that either she will not want me to marry for years or the people she may eventually consider will not be based first and foremostly on deen which is what I want.

I don't know what to do in this situation as I would like to marry this person and all the rest of my family are happy with the proposal. I would appreciate your guidance on this matter

Q: I have been having problems with my husband for over 16years. He has been having an emotional if not physical affair and emailing and meeting with this woman. The last time I found out was in April last year when I told him that I wanted a divorce. Besides this affair he ignores me, is increasingly irritated with me, criticizes me all the time and generally is angry and resentful to me. We have been to many counsellors but he initiated it this last time. However he does not go with the intention of resolving the matter. Rather a case of "fix my wife, she has a problem" He has narcissistic tendencies and thinks that he has made his business his life and focal point. I lack for nothing materially. But I am living with a boarder. He has not been remorseful and doesn't apologize for anything. He says he has done nothing wrong because he didn't sleep with her. We are separated for 6 months. Even in this time he refused to cut her from his business and have no contact with her. I had made up my mind that I wanted a divorce. Every waking moment was a torment with thoughts of what he put me through mentally and emotionally. I was so angry that my blood would boil during this time. I have been praying tahajjud and making Dua. I went to the Jamiat and the lady there said I should decide whether to make an agreement or to divorce. At this point I was convinced that divorce was the way. I decided to read istikhara. The next morning after my mind was calm. The first thought that came to mind was the agreement. The next two nights were restless and nothing came to mind. Should I look at this as a sign that I should go with the agreement?