second wife

Making the condition that the husband cannot take a second wife

Submitted by user2 on Mon, 2018-02-19 08:01

Q: I am planning to get married and proposed for a certain girl. The girl whom I want to marry said that if I accept the condition of not taking a second wife in the future, then she will marry me. Personally, I also do not want to take a second wife in the future. I want to spend my life with my first wife till I die. The question is: can we make the condition of not taking a second wife in the future at the time of the nikaah?

Marital problems

Submitted by user2 on Wed, 2018-02-14 07:23

Q:

1. I would like to know what is the punishment for a man who does not treat his wives equally?

2. Also a man has taken a second wife. She is a divorcee and her first husband was having an affair with a woman of disrepute. Now the first wife is very concerned about herself with regard to her H.I.V status. Does she have a right to request that the second wife take a test and that she is shown the results before continuing relations with her husband?

Doosri biwi lena

Submitted by user2 on Tue, 2018-02-13 07:49

س: محترم جناب میرا مسئلہ یہ ہے کے میری شادی کو 4 سال ہوگئے ہیں . میرے گھر کوئی اولاد نہیں ہے . پچھلے تقریباً 2 سال سے میری بِیوِی کافی دن کیلئے اپنے میکے چلی جاتی تھی اور جب میں اسکو واپس آنے کا کہتا تھا تو کہتی تھی کے میں نے واپس نہیں آنا آپ دوسری شادی کر لو . لیکن میں اسکو سمجھا کر واپس لے تھا . لیکن اسکے بار بار ایسا کرنے اور اولاد نا ہونے کے بَعْد میں نے دوسری شادی کے لیے لڑکی دیکھنی شروع کر دی .

مجھے شادی کے لیے 1 لڑکی پسند آئی . میری بِیوِی نے مجھے اور اس لڑکی کو فون پے بات کرتے سن لیا . تو میری بِیوِی مجھے بتائے بغیر 5 مہینے پہلے اپنے میکے چلی گئی ، اور پوری برادری میں یہ بات مشہور کر دی کے میں دوسری شادی کر رہا ہوں اور اِس کے ساتھ ساتھ میری والدہ اور بہن پر بھی جھوٹے سچے الزام لگانے شروع کر دیئے . اور مجھ سے بار بار طلاق کا مطالبہ شروع کر دیا . اور ایک دن مجھے یہ دھمکی دی کے میں اس کے جہیز کا سارا سامان واپس بھجوا دوں ورنہ وہ میرے گھر پولیس بھیج دے گی .

میں نے اسکو طلاق کا پہلا نوٹس بھیج دیا اور کہہ دیا کے اپنا سامان واپس منگوا لو ، ( تاکہ بات پولیس تک نا جائے اور معاملا آپس میں ہی حَل ہو جائے ) . اِس دوران دوسری لڑکی سے بھی میرا رابطہ ختم ہو گیا ( اسکو میں پہلے سے بتا چکا تھا کے میں شادی شدہ ہوں اور وہ میری دوسری بِیوِی ھوگی )

محترم ان 5 مہینوں میں میں نے مسلسل اپنی بِیوِی کو واپس لانے کی بہت کوشش کی بہت سمجھایا کے میری زندگی میں اب کوئی نہیں ہے لیکن وہ کہتی ہے کے میں اس سے معافی مانگوں اپنی غلطی تسلیم کروں اور آئِنْدَہ دوسری عورت کے بارے میں نا سوچوں تو اِس صورت میں وہ میرے ساتھ رہے گی .

محترم جناب ، میں دوسری شادی کروں یا نا کروں اپنی پہلی بِیوِی کو طلاق نہیں دینا چاہتا کیوں کے اسکی زندگی خراب ہو جائے گی . لیکن اب اتنا کچھ ہوجانے کے بَعْد میرا ذہن اسکو قبول کرنے پے رازی نہیں ہے ، ( حالان کے میری زندگی میں کوئی اور لڑکی بھی نہیں ہے ) میں صرف اِس لیے کے طلاق شدہ عورت کی زندگی ہمارے معاشرے میں ایک داغ ہے اسکو طلاق نہیں دینا چاہتا . میں اگر یہ کہتا ہوں کے ہاں میری زندگی میں لڑکی تھی تو میری بِیوِی سچی ہونے کے لیے پوری برادری میں یہ مشہور کر دے گی کے وہ سچی تھی اور میں دوسری لڑکی کے ساتھ عشق چلا رہا تھا . ( بدنامی کو بھی ایک طرف رکھتے ہوئے ) ، میں تو اولاد اور ذہنی سکون کے لیے دوسری شادی کرنا چاہتا تھا تو اِس میں غلطی کیسی معافی کیسی ؟ اور دوسری شادی حرام تو نہیں ہے میں اگر پہلی بِیوِی سے مطمئن نہیں ہوں تو ذہنی سکون اور اولاد کے لیے تو دوسری شادی کر سکتا ہوں . آپ فرمائے کے مجھے کیا کرنا چاہیے ؟

Marital problems

Submitted by user2 on Mon, 2018-01-29 07:51

Q: I have two wives. I want to be just between them as much as I can. But my first wife in hindering it by getting annoying. Time and again giving me reference of Nabi (sallallahu alaihi wasallam)'s reaction of finding out the intention of Hazrat Ali to marry second time. Giving me reference again and again that you cannot be just between two wives. Asking me questions again and again why I married second time. Bringing the topic of second wife again and again. Asking me the same questions again and again for which i have answered. When i decline to answer and choose to keep quiet, so matters dont get out of hand, she does not tolerate that. The last incident again, i came home late from work tired. and after an hour or so. she said i want to ask a question, which i immediately sensed will lead to argument, so i said, if the question is baseless then should not ask. then she started giving arguments to which i chose to remain quiet and the end she said, you attitude with me makes me doubt you. At that i went to the other room and slept. I am trying my best to be fair as i can. But she infuriates me time and again, intentionally or unintentionally i do not know. What can I do to solve this.

Becoming the second wife of one's cousin's husband

Submitted by user2 on Mon, 2017-12-25 06:43

Q: Is it right for me to be my cousins husband's second wife?

Doosri shaadi karna pehli biwi ko bataane beghair

Submitted by user2 on Wed, 2017-12-13 07:26

Q: Ma ne doosri shadi karli ha pehli biwi ko bataye begair ab mujhay nai chata hu k ma pehli biwi ko batao warna usay doosri wali ko talaq dena paray ga. Jo k pehlay se talak shuda thi shohar k chornay k bad bacho k lye galat kam lag gaye thi. Kya ma ne kuch galat kya ha?

Taking a second wife

Submitted by admin on Tue, 2017-12-12 08:12

Q: I have been married for eight years. My wife is not interested in sex. We can go 5 to 6 months without being intimate. She never adorns herself or makes herself look attractive. It has become very difficult for me. I really don't want to split my family up by getting divorced. My question, am I in the right by getting a second Wife?

Wife demanding exorbitant amount for divorce

Submitted by user2 on Wed, 2017-11-08 08:04

Q: I took a second wife while I was still married to my first wife because my first wife had an issue called vaginism as she cant have sexual intercourse. After 2 months my 2nd wife started to behave wiered as she seems to be going through some psycological issue in her life. She tried to commit suicide more than 5 times while she was with me. Now she is asking for 5 million for me to give her divorce. I dont have that much of money to give her. I was paying almost 3 year close to 1000 usd every month just for her and the son she got from her ex husbond. She was kicked out from her parents home. Now she is troubling me asking me for this large sum of money for divorce. Am I allowed to take money as a loan from the bank to pay her and release her from my life to live a peaceful life

Marital problems

Submitted by user2 on Wed, 2017-11-01 08:00

Q: I am a 30 year old women, with a 3 year old daughter. I am currently looking to seek Khula. My husband is also my first cousin and I was very happy with my marriage, however he left me over 2 years ago due to the following reasons:

1. Before we got married I had over £50k saved up as I worked for 10 years. Our parents had agreed for us to speak over the phone to understand each other before the marriage in a few weeks time. I told him that I didn't have my own home or place to rent yet & to give me 3 months to buy or find a place to rent. He refused at the time and said that we should get married now. He also said that he would be able to buy a home for us as he had enough money from his family (they were extremely wealthy) and for me to not worry about it - this conversation happened several times. So we married a few weeks later. Note I spent close to £30k on marriage. I offered to use some of the money I had left for either rent or to buy a property & also use the money he had promised he had to get a place - however for the next 3-4 years he just kept promising and using excuses to delay getting any money. Then he left me 2 years ago on the day I raised the point again about us moving out (note my father wanted us to leave his home where we stayed after we got married) with one of his excuses being he can't buy a home and that we can't be together. He never looked back at me or even tried to keep in touch with his child. Countless times I even offered to rent a place out myself for us be he just didn't want to.

2. We lived at my parents home after we got married and got his Visa to come to the UK. We actually in total lived here for 4 years. I helped to also provide for my own family because my father was on an extremely low income and also was the eldest child so I supported my mother, father & 3 other siblings. I told him this that I would need to support them before we got married & never did he object to it during the course of our marriage. However when he left me he used this as another excuse that he was annoyed I used to provide/help my family financially.

3. Another point is that he left me after 3 months of getting his permanent stay in the UK. So I'm assuming the Visa was the reason for the marriage.

4. I always tried to be very supportive to my husband helping financially - for e,g when our child was born I brought everything. I never once questioned him or even asked for any money because I understood he was on a low income & whatever is mine is his. Since the day he left 2 years ago he never made contact again with me. I don't know where he lives, some family members do but they don't tell me. Based on above reasons that he didnt support me financially and still doesn't, left me and my child without proper valid reason over 2 years ago - please could you answer the following questions:

1. Am I within my rights to request for Khula?

2. As I don't know where he is? What does Islam say about this? And how should I approach Khula? I don't want any money from him - as I am capable of looking after myself and my child. I just want peace and want to move on. More recently I had a proposal from an already married man who wants to support me & my child. (I don't know him & not spoken to him but we live in a close community and he heard about my circumstances at a local mosque) - my parents were told of this proposal through friends. If I go ahead I don't want him to break up with his first wife. In fact I would want to live together as a family.

1. Does he need to get consent from his first wife if we were to do a Nikkah?

2. My parents told me about it but are refusing to the proposal because he's already married - Can I marry him without my parents consent?

Seeking permission from the first wife for second marriage

Submitted by user2 on Wed, 2017-10-18 06:59

Q: I have recently got married last month but our honeymoon was full of eyn (bad eye) and shytan. During the honeymoon my wife would talk and have open conversations with taxi drivers and walk ahead of me and always on her phone and we had a fight where I lightly slapped her on the side of her head. Also she did not allow me to have sex with her for the last 7 days of the honeymoon. She did not respect me and was very rude in the manner she spoke to me in and 2 nights she slept in a different room! She would always be on her phone and not talk to me I told her many times I don't like this but she said I don't care! There have been soooo many issues during this time! She has disrespected me telling me that I do not want your money and take ur presents back!

Before the honeymoon she had asked for divorce 4 times because I contact her too much call and text too much. When she went home she told her family about me slapping her and her family obviously went crazy n want divorce now but it's still debatable!!

So I am now in a situation where there is another lady I loved before this arranged marriage and I wish to marry her. Do I need by islam to confirm with the first wife or should I wait till I'm divorced?? I want to know what to do and what is halal and what is haram. 

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